In 2024, I joined the Fukuoka Marathon.
I finished it, but it was very close.

So in 2025, I set a goal:
“I want to finish within 6 hours.”
I also wrote this goal on my blog.

But in 2025, I was not okay.
To be honest, I had too many bad days.

When people asked me, “Are you okay these days?”
I often answered, “No, I’m not okay.”

The reason was not only work.
Problems in my private life also hurt me.
Human relationships, stress, jealousy, and trouble piled up inside my heart.
It was complicated, and I could not solve it.
Simply, I think I was mentally tired.

Even things I used to love did not move my heart.

Watching a campfire: nothing.
Doing meditation in nature: nothing.
Listening to my favorite music: nothing.
Watching my favorite drama: nothing.
Watching YouTube: nothing.
Even interesting people and funny ideas: nothing.

I even lost interest in Fukuoka and Hakata, which I used to love.

Before I knew it, I was living like a machine.
Work, eating, sleeping… only that.
My curiosity and excitement disappeared.

I think humans become weak when they lose curiosity.
The “spark” in the heart is gone.

If I just didn’t like training, it would be easier.
But I didn’t care about anything.
Even things I used to love felt meaningless.
Of course, I could not take action.

I didn’t watch the news.
I almost didn’t use social media.
I didn’t even know that Japan got a female Prime Minister.
I heard it from someone later.
Even that big change did not move my heart.

Then the marathon day came.
I had almost no training.

At 28 km, my knee started to hurt badly.
I could not walk.
A bus came from behind, and I got on it.
People who quit ride the bus to the goal.

When I sat down on the bus, I thought:
“What am I doing?”

All I had was strong knee pain
and deep self-hate that I could not explain.

After I got off the bus, I still could not walk.
A volunteer noticed me and spoke to me.

“Are you okay?”
“Do you need a wheelchair?”
“Hold my shoulder.”

My body was weak, and my heart was also weak.
It was my fault.
I didn’t train enough.
It was my responsibility.

But still, they truly worried about me.

At that moment, I felt something heavy inside my heart disappear.
I didn’t cry, but I think my heart was crying.

If I had finished the marathon with almost no training,
maybe nothing would have changed.
My heart might not have moved at all.

For three weeks after the marathon, my knee hurt when I walked.
(It was pes anserine bursitis.)

When walking hurts, you notice something important:
Being able to walk normally is a kind of happiness.
I understood it with my body.

As my knee slowly got better,
my heart also slowly came back.

And my curiosity, which had completely disappeared,
started to return.

I finally felt, “I want to write my blog again.”

I was truly saved by that volunteer
who talked to me and helped me.
Thank you so much.

Next year, I want to join the Fukuoka Marathon as a volunteer.
I already applied to volunteer at the Saga Sakura Marathon in March.

This year is almost over.
But next year, I want to live as a “human” with curiosity all year long.

Thank you, Fukuoka Marathon.